Birthday..ughhh

Okay again before i forget, here’s my word of the week. The word is, widdershins, which is an adverb defined as : in a left-handed, wrong, or contrary direction : counterclockwise. Hmmm…interesting?

Okay, anyways now onto more about me and my exciting life. More anxiety, panic attacks, and stress is still an everyday occurance. At this point why am i not immune to it? Along with wedding planning, bridal showers, and more weddings, my birthday is on Sunday. I’m turning 20, and i am not very happy about this. I know everyone keeps saying im still young and i should be enjoying this time, but really it’s kind of scary. This is the decade im supposed to finish school, get married, start a career, and start having kids. AHHH! That just sounds like too much, and at this point, even though im only 20 my parents have started the pressure about me getting married soon. It’s so annoying to have to listen to them talk about potential husbands, but at the same time they have always told me to wait until i finish school. However i graduate in the summer, so then what? I am thinking of taking a year off to find work, but only because i have had absolutley NO time to study for the GRE’s and this will give me more time. I just hate deciding everything for the rest of my life. I feel so pressured, and it’s like theres no room for mistakes. Am i just overthinking this all a little too much?

I think a therapy session might be in need very soon. Another thing i need to vent about is the fact that i HATE planning stuff for my bdays because its just annoying. BUT, none of my other family or friends plan anything. I am always the one to plan their birthdays, weddings, bridal showers, baby showers, whatever. So even though i said i wanted to do something, but not have to plan… no one ended up planning anything. A little annoying? Yes. [I know you hate rhetorical questions, but it makes my rant look better, okay?]

Since i’m just venting here, i also hate the fact that i have work at 6 am M-F for the next three weeks. It’s only wednesday an im exhausted. I don’t know if ill be able to last much longer, here’s hoping!